So it’s been a while since I wrote a post that wasn’t so controversial and allowed me to reflect on life.
If I think back to this time last year my thoughts, my dreams, my goals were all pretty ambiguous. I didn’t draw out a map or provide myself with proper directions on how to get there. I had a bus route, a subway route, a plane route, a walking route, but I still had not chosen which one I preferred most. Apart of me was erratic because everyday I’d change my mind on what route I wanted to travel on. All I knew was that I wanted to move to NYC but deep down I didn’t trust myself to land a gig there.
Inevitably after graduation, I ended up moving back “home” to a world that I left behind. A world where I was young, naive, narrow-minded, and captivated by my own ignorance of how the world really was. It strange to return having to immerse myself back into a community where I no longer felt I belonged. It wasn’t really a feeling of rejection it was more a feeling of discomfort. In college I had met so many amazingly inspiring people that allowed me to think in a way that I never thought I was capable of. Every person, every action, every event that I had encountered exhilarated my spirit. It was frightening to think that I may not be able to have those type of interactions anymore.
I mean I really didn’t know anyone anymore and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know them again. I began to just focus on my career and apply to almost 20 jobs a day. It was so hard coming back to a home where I wasn’t independent. It was almost like I had grown into this new person that I wanted the world to see but only ended up back where I started.
It was very frustrating and a little disheartening but I just needed someone to believe in me. I felt as though no one really took me seriously in every part of my life whether it was friends, family, or prospective employers. But now I that I can look back at those feelings I had, I know now that I didn’t need SOMEONE to believe in me I needed to believe in me.
It took me a while to realize that I was the only one who could turn my situation into something better. I didn’t need anyone to believe in me I just needed to show people that I believed in me. My own confidence would attract them to my skill set and allow them to decide for themselves on whether or not I’d be an asset to their company.
I’d have to say it took MANY conversations with my role model to get me to start thinking this way. I truly am blessed to even have someone that believes in me as much as they do. But I couldn’t let myself just sit around and sulk. I needed to get a job, be independent and most of all prove to myself that I could FINALLY be self sufficient. Something I ALWAYS craved to be as a child, teenager, and now young adult.
When I got my first job offer well paid-intern position (ha), only two months after graduation I truly felt blessed. But I have to tell you it was a HUGE confidence booster.
That day as cliche as this sounds, a new chapter of my life began and I evolved into this person that was bold and daunting.
Going in to work everyday to people that were eager to hear my ideas, my thoughts, my views on their work was an amazing feeling. These people didn’t know me at all but they put all their trust in my ideas not knowing if they would be successful or not. But that was the best part about it, it was the biggest rush to know that these people that had been in the business for YEARS relied on me to help them.
I also was able to learn from them because I had never really worked in the corporate world and that opportunity alone provided me with soooooooooo much knowledge. I began to understand the atmosphere, the goals, the ideals of the corporate world while learning the IT jargon that leaves most Americans on the phone with Raj from Pune, India. haha.
My boss was awesome. He let me be apart of every meeting, take notes, and soak up as much as I could. Later we would sit together and discuss what I had observed then brainstorm all the viable solutions. My boss always told me, “Don’t ever think any idea is too farfetched because that idea can transform into something that everyone will aspire to have”.
His attitude was so inspiring and allowed me thoroughly impress everyone I had come into contact with. I mean of course not everyone is ready for change and there were some that were hesitant to my ideas. But the company needed change, it needed that boost in order to keep up with the needs of our customers.
The corporate world is a completely different ball game than writing for consumer based platforms. While it was fun and a new experience I quickly realized that it wasn’t a place I wanted to be in for the rest of my life.
I wanted a position that would allow me to touch more people on a grand scale and open their eyes to something different. Now that I am transitioning into a new position at a new company I feel like I can do that.
I have never been more excited to start a job in my life. ha. I think it’s because I finally found a position that has structure meaning clearly defined responsibilities, goals, and a chance to move up the ladder. And I shouldn’t leave out my first salary position haha! Not that money has anything to do with it haha! But it’s pretty awesome to get paid for work that you love to do!
But I guess what I’ve been trying to say throughout this whole entire post is that I didn’t believe in myself but only I could change that.
You have the power to make your mind strong and fearless. YOU control yourself and your actions no one else. Yes, there are factors that can influence you and sometimes push you down but at the end of the day you are your only fan. If you don’t believe in yourself, why would anyone else?
I know a lot times we think we need others to love us or give us attention or that boost to make us feel valuable but we don’t. I mean don’t get me wrong and think I’m saying to be conceited or narcissistic but it’s good to believe in you.
All those people we think we need come secondary because we only need the love that comes from within.
Now that I have completely gone down that mushy road – I just want to say never sell yourself short and always believe in yourself!